it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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