Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize