Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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