I think I won the penis lottery.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
