my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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