Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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