I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I could fuck to npr.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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