Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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