my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
