Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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