I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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