I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
