I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
