Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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