first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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