i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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