Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
