if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
