I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
