i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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