dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
