I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
there is glitter all over my balls
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
