youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
