Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
