you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
