you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
