The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
