just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
