well I can't set my house on fire every night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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