I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize