i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
