Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
