Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
