i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
