I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize