porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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