we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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