I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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