It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize