id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
