just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
