I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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