I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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