take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
