I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
