I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize