Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
