i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
