Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't notice because vodka
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
