Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
