well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
