He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize