paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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