just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
