i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You're like the curious george of whores
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
