M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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