thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
