i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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