So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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