I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
