I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
