my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
