i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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