You just made me feel so damn special
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
