party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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