Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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