How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
