New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
