you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
