so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
