my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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