yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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