He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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