You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
